just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize