Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
