Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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