There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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