I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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