My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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