I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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