You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
