found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
