i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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