Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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