wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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