definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize