no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
