I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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