Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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