he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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