just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
