He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
