Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
