My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't put those talents on a resume
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
