you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
