I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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