That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
