whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
