you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
