hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
