good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
