Ambien. No doubt about it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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