plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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