Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
