Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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