did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
