am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
