i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
