The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize