Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
