You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
