Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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