is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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