nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
