so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
