so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
