Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You pole danced in your parka.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
