i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
