Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize