I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have feelings that need drinking.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
