I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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