im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
