Having a random hookup so left but love u
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
