just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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