We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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