I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
