that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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