youre lurking in front of me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
now i know why i became what i already was.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize