...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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