Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize