we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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