Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
