I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
