I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
