My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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