In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
