I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
