just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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