Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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