my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
