people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
