ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
