Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
