My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
