just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
