Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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