Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
why do cheetos always look like penises
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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