I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
