Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
