So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
