You smell like stripper and shame
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
