On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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