In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
