God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
operation have a gay friend backfired
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
