I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
