Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
