my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
