FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
