I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
