He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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