I smell stomach acid.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
