just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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