You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
