I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
