If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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