This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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