One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
