you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
