Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
