how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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