can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize