can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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