FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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